"Count to Ten"

 Hello!

I'm going to get right into my discussion today. 

If you missed last week's post, this month, I am talking about patience. Last week, I mentioned that anger and impatience often go hand in hand.

I mentioned the Thomas Jefferson quote, "When angry, count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred." This quote is the basis of today's post.

When I took a look at the words patience and anger in relationship to each other, I found myriads of quotes. From Buddha to Jean Fontaine, from Mahatma Gandhi and Ali ibn Abi Talib, everyone seemed to have an opinion on these topics and the close relationship they share. Most agree that they are closely related.

And why is that?

Well, if you think about it, when you are very angry, your inhibitions are lowered. It's hard to think properly when you are angry, and you do things you regret. 

The Bible has a couple of things to say on the topic. One of my favorite verses comes from Proverbs 15:1 which says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (NIV Version) Anger is a wild fire, and it only takes a little oil to make it grow. 

There are several descriptions of people "seeing red" when their blood rises in anger. The person before them disappears and they no longer see a person, but an obstacle. Words rush out and things are said to hurt and damage, not heal. How do we get in this mess?

The Bible clearly says that we grow angry and fight amongst ourselves because we are selfish. We live in a kingdom of self. 

James 4:1-3 says, "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." (NIV) Anger and selfishness have been the silent starters of wars since time immemorial, they are there, hiding in the shadows behind the actions that kill millions.

Impatience is the result of pride and the resulting selfishness that ensues. You want something and you want it now. When you don't get it, your anger rises and then it's a short hop and a skip over to acting out in anger and hurting someone.

What is to be done?

I don't have the answers, but I can give you what has been helping me in my lifelong struggle for patience.  Here are somethings I do:

1. First and foremost, if I notice my anger starting to rise, if possible, I leave the room. I know my tendency to erupt in anger like a volcano. If I can avoid a messy scene, I'll do it.

2. If I cannot leave for whatever reason, I keep my mouth shut and my mind open. I send up a quick prayer to God and focus on breathing. I let the person have their say and look for common ground. I want to remind myself that they are not the enemy, They are a person like myself.  Then when they are done, I politely excuse myself. 

3. I remind myself that the situation is not all about me. There's another person in the situation. If I can focus on someone else outside of myself, then I start seeking the other person's good and that usually diffuses the situation. (Usually. I've already confessed last week that I still blow it sometimes. I'm by no means perfect. Just ask my family members.)

4. I pray for patience all the time. It's a constant battle because, frankly, I would like my own way. More often than not, I think my desires are the best. (News flash: 9/10 times, my desires are awful, and if I acted on them right away, I'd find that they taste like ash, and there would be many regrets.) I'll repeat what I repeated last week: I cannot do any of this without God. I've tried, and I've failed. When I rely on Him, and His strength, I succeed.

Your turn. What are some things that help you fight impatience?

Until next time...

Julia Garcia / Arysta Henry