Confession from a V.I.W. (Very Insecure Writer)

Today, between computer updates and a depression spiral my mind decided that it was also a good time to remind me how terrible a writer I am.

 Now for this to make sense, you'll have to know that I've been wanting to be a writer ever since reading "A Cricket in Times Square" when I was six-years-old. I decided that I wanted to be able to give something back to the world and I'd do it by writing.

 That is still my main motivation for writing-besides the fact that it is just really a lot of fun-but lately I've been hit by the nefarious "imposter syndrome."

 Today was really bad.

 In my writing journal, I wrote, "I feel like such an imposter, writing a book. I really have no business doing it.
 What makes me think I have what it takes? What makes me think anybody will actually want to read this? What am I doing !?!"

 In case you ever wondered whether or not your the only one that suffers from this malady....I constantly struggle with this.

 And I might be right.

 I really do not have any business trying to write a book. I'm sure there are people who are way more qualified than I am to write this story, but I'm not going to let this stop me.

 So although I feel like giving up, crying, curling up and hiding in a corner for the rest of my life, I'm gonna give it another whirl.

 I know a lot of this is my anxiety speaking, but I need to write this down or it will swirl around in my head for all of eternity.

 Oh! And I just killed a character I've spent three years with, so there's that....

 Disclaimer: I do not like killing my characters who I consider my friends.  I admit that it is murder, pure and simple.

 I also, admit that it was necessary to the story and plot, but I feel really awful.

 I think I'm going to need a very long break after I'm finished with this, because I'm only on the first draft and it's been one heck of a ride!


 Thanks for listening to my rant.

 I'm just gonna go now....

Bye!

-V.I.W.